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April-July 2004

A Foreigner Living in Melbourne

What are the Aussies like?

Manfred P.

Keywords: Australia, Victoria, Melbourne, tourist, travel trip report, travel log, travelogue.

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Six years have passed since my last stay in Australia. Some of my memories have faded away. What I remember most is my leg-breaking "George-in-the-Jungle" act in the rainforest west of Cairns. I was looking forward coming back to Down Under and adding a few new memories.

Friendliness

The Aussies are really friendly. They cheerfully chat with you and give answers whenever you are in doubt. I experienced the nicest example of friendliness one morning while walking to the office. A homeless looking couple is standing on the sidewalk. Since homeless are rather rare in central Melbourne this couple sticks out and catches my attention. While I look at them the woman stops me and tells me "Watch your step please". I look down at the sidewalk pavement and realized I was about to step right into a patch of fresh vomit from her drunken husband. Now that’s friendliness: standing on the sidewalk and warning passersby not to step into the mess made by your mate.

Aussies are open, outgoing people in general. Even in the city they are relaxed enough to have a spare moment for some small talk. People come up and talk to you while waiting at the zebra crossing at a red light.

Coffee

Coffee and cafes have become an addiction in Melbourne. While there are a few Starbucks to be found here, the more famous local chains are Hudsons and Gloria Jean’s. The density of cafes in the center of Melbourne is just striking. Every city block has at least one. It is impossible to walk 300 feet without passing a minimum of one café, but sometimes you will find even as many as 4 in this distance. How can they all stay in business? Clearly Melbournians don’t have breakfast at home and instead of walking to the company kitchen they leave the office a couple of times a day to sip the brown liquid in the corner cafe.

When Right is Wrong

We all know that the Australians drive on the left side of the street, that the right side it the wrong side. But despite the fact that we know it, at least once it will happen to everyone that we try to get into the passenger side of the car on the left. A lifelong habit is difficult to change in just a few days. The first time we drove on the freeway I wanted to drive in the slow lane to have enough time to read all the traffic sign and to get used to driving on the other side of the street. The speed limit was something like 90 or 100 km/h. So I drove just below that in the right-most lane. A big rig honked at me and passed on the left. My life partner Inma started saying that people give us strange looks. I ignorantly responded "that’s your imagination". After we have been driving like this for 20 minutes a gas station came up. The gas station was to the left of the freeway and we were driving in what supposedly was the slow lane, all the way to the right. Suddenly I start thinking (obviously I wasn’t thinking before). Thoughts like "Funny. If I am really in the slow lane, I would have to cross over all the fast lanes to make it to the freeway exit and the gas station. That’s can’t quite be. Also all traffic entering the freeway would enter into the fast lane. Clearly that’s impossible." With no other choice left I said "Honey, you are right. These people were giving us strange looks because we were driving slowly in the fast lane." With that I had finally learned that the slow lane is the lane on the left.

Do you know why the Aussies drive on the left side of the road? Sure, because the British drive on the left. So, why do the Brits drive on the left? They say that is because in the middle ages when the warriors traveled on horseback they rode on the left so that they could use their right hand to fight with a sword against any oncoming opponents. Riding on the left made it easier for two right-handed soldiers to fight, just like jousting knights in a tournament. Now, why is it that the French and the rest of Europe started driving on the right? Of course, the French had to do things their way. They wouldn’t just copy anyone, and certainly they would not follow in the footsteps of the Brits. Around 1790 the change was carried out by Napoleon. He was left-handed and forced his armies to march on the right so he could keep his sword arm between him and any opponent. The other maniac that influenced the left-right decision was Hitler. Just like Napoleon he did not ask, he just ordered countries -- after occupying them -- to change from one day to the next to switch from left to right.

Unique Transportation Ideas

Ever seen a one-way freeway? Ever seen a one-way freeway that changes direction, as in being one-way northbound in the morning and one-way southbound in the afternoon? Well, you can find one near Adelaide: the Adelaide Southern Expressway connecting Adelaide with the Fleurieu Peninsula, specifically the area south of Darlington. I have not driven on it. Some say it is totally confusing. I would just ask: What do they do at 12:00 noontime? Anyway, it is a new invention, built between 1995 and 1999. The idea is to get the workers from the southern suburbs rapidly into the city (hence northbound one-way in the morning) and back home after work (hence southbound one-way in the afternoon). An amazing concept, isn’t it? This is the only kind in Australia, but not the only one in the world.

Adelaide is very creative when it comes to transport. I guess this creativity is forged by the tight budget of South Australia. They saved 50% by building half the lanes of a freeway. They also saved money by making the bus transport a make-shift train transport. Adelaide's unique O-Bahn is the world's longest guided bus way. At 100km/h and 12km distance it is said to be the fastest and longest guided bus service in the world. How does it work? Take a regular bus, add small horizontal "guide wheels" on the left and right of the bus, in the front close to the ground next to the normal front tires. Now, while in the city center these are regular buses. Fully flexible and driven by a driver just like any other bus. When these buses leave the city heading into the northern suburbs (remember that the southern suburbs already have this wonderful one-way freeway) they drive into a special track, a paved road with guiding concrete railing to the left and right of the bus. These railings are low, like higher sidewalks. The buses can’t escape and the horizontal small guide wheels keep them safely within this track. The guide wheels are connected to the steering system and effectively steer the bus. The track is not shared so there are no traffic jams. Once on the track with no steering or traffic to worry about the bus driver just floors the bus and reads the newspaper. This innovative O-Bahn service has 7 million passengers a year and can carry 18,000 people in a peak hour. Operating within a narrow landscaped land corridor, the Adelaide O-Bahn requires significantly less physical space than conventional lanes while providing aesthetically pleasing surrounds. And you guessed it, O-Bahn is 50% cheaper to operate than an equivalent train system.

Obeying the Law

There is another observation regarding traffic that puzzled me. Australians seem to be very obedient in traffic, or very much afraid of speeding tickets. It is just amazing. We drove more than 600 km on a weekend trip and there was no speeding by anybody anywhere, not on the freeways, not on surface roads. The speed limits are rather low, typically 100 km/h (some 60 mph) on freeways, 110 km/h was the highest I have seen so far. And when the limit is 100, people go exactly 100, not 105 or 110, no, exactly 100. And since everyone goes at the same speed, there is little overtaking on the freeways. I wonder why they are so civilized, or shall we call it docile, in traffic. And that despite the fact that they love powerful cars with V6 or V8 and toying around in the desert in their 4x4s. The Australian government does not share my opinion. It apparently feels that Aussies are speeding. It started a TV ad campaign called "wipe off 5" showing a sweet innocent teenage girl being killed in a car accident where the driver was just 5 km/h over the speed limit.

Calling it a Day

The next thing that took me by surprise is that everything shuts down early. Aussies tend to go home in the early evening and the village streets turn into ghost towns. At 8 p.m. we had a hard time finding a gas station that was still open. After we had crossed several small towns with the gas stations closed I was getting worried to get stranded with an empty gas tank. Similarly, the restaurants in small towns shut at 8 or 9 p.m. At 10 p.m. we only found one or two elegant up-scale restaurants and the bottle-shop open. The rest of run-of-the-mill restaurants were all closed for the day. The streets were silent and we were the only ones wandering around in the village. Compare that to Spain where they live at the other extreme: dinner starts at 11 p.m. there. The only food available here at 11 p.m. is a bag of chips at the 24-hour bottle store or the 7 Eleven convenience store.

Roses are Red, Melbourne is Blue

What’s the favorite color at night in Melbourne? Blue. As you drive from the suburbs towards the city center at night you can enjoy the complete skyline of Melbourne in a single view. What stands out is that the majority of the skyscrapers have blue beacons rather than the typical red lights on the roof. Also the neon company logos are mostly in blue. ANZ has a blue logo and the three tall buildings surrounding the Sofitel hotel all have blue neon lights on the roof. But blue neon light can not only be seen up in the air but also down at the ground. The artsy man-sized objects on the sidewalk outside the Arts Centre are lit in blue. The QV Shopping Centre has blue halogen lights set into the pavement like light markers on an airstrip. They call out to you "follow me, follow me, shop here".

Roses are Red, Grass is Green

What I love above all are the green open spaces that exist in all Australian cities. Every city has a large free botanic garden, wide-open parks, children playgrounds, and public green zones. In fact, not just cities, even the smallest villages have parks and public areas to get away from cars and feel being surrounded by nature. Melbourne’s and Adelaide’s botanic gardens which I have visited on this trip are fantastic. With the size of a few square kilometers one can get loss in these green surroundings. They increase the quality of city living drastically and enable a change of scenery without having to drive 30 minutes to leave downtown. I am an addict to these gardens. They are great for jogging, great for kids, great as stress relievers; I wish all cities would have these green islands of tranquility.

You want more green? Strolling for 1 hour is not enough? Prefer bushwalking? Even that is easy. If you leave Melbourne there is an amazing array of national parks, regional forests and other scenic nature parks in the vicinity of Melbourne. By public transport we had explored the eastern side of the peninsula. To the south west are Cape Schank, Mornington Peninsula National Park, and Dandenong Ranges National Park. Within 90 minutes driving to the north and north-west are Hanging Rock National park, Organ Pipe National Park, Werribee State Park, Lerderderg State park, Wombat State Forest, and tons more. If you prefer strolling along beaches rather than forest and bush, there are plenty of choices too. Places like St. Kilda, Brighton Beach, Sandringham, Black Beach, Frankston, Chelsea, etc. are all really easy to visit. You just hop on the train at the Melbourne Central Station and the train drops you only yards from the beaches.

Sports

I am not interested in spectator sports. I even declined friends’ invitations to come to an Aussie football game. But one rather calm Saturday with foul weather I was strolling through the streets of Melbourne without any particular destination. I wandered around and came to the bridge that leads towards the Telstra Dome and the Melbourne harbor. Lots of people crowded around the stadium and some noise was to hear from the distance. I was still a couple of hundred yards away and I thought to read something about an exhibition at Telstra Dome on a billboard. Curious and attracted by the crowd I walked in, expecting some exhibition. The exhibition must have refereed to some other day, because there was an AFL (Australian Football League) game on. The stadium was reasonably well filled. Lots of cheering created a charged atmosphere. Did you know that Aussie football is played in an oval field? It is the only sport I know of played in an oval field. The distance between the field and the spectators is barely a few yards. I was really close and to my amazement I could even smell the grass of the field. It was a lot better and interesting than I thought it would be. Even though the field is large, being so close one can see the field and the players really well. I always had the unfounded opinion that everything is so far away that one needs binoculars to see anything. Despite the fact that I was a bit impressed I was not patient enough to watch the complete game. I enjoyed the atmosphere, so a few great catches and walked out again.

A month later I was back. It was the same place, but a different game. This time not Aussie football but soccer was on the agenda. The Australian socceroos played the Turkish national team in a friendly game. What was instantly obvious is that the soccer field is small in comparison to the AFL field. While the AFL field goes straight up to the spectators’ seats, the soccer field is distant to the spectator; distant enough to provide space for the trainers and warm up area for team members on stand-by. And if soccer is not sufficiently exciting for you, you pull out the TV screen built into the seat. Just like in business class on a plane you pull out your personal TV with 6 channels. You can see the soccer game from a different angle or just watch a movie on another channel. The guy next to me watched a TV cricket game at the same time as the live soccer game right in front of him. A spectator’s paradise!

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